I distinctly remember the moment my soul opened up to the Divine after an extended period of drought. I sat in the most somber of services, my eyes pressed to the glass ceiling, looking, for what I could not tell you. I’d been drawn the the place like a moth to a flame, and the longing I felt to be there was so powerful, I could not shake the feeling that something, someone, was stalking my soul. I’ve been a “believer” nearly all my life, having opened my heart to Jesus at the tender age of 8. That holiest of moments, in the dark of my room in Quad 1 of the Missionary Learning Center in Richmond, VA, the soft, soothing vocals of Psalty the singing songbook closing out his newest tape lulling me to sleep, beckoning Jesus to come into his heart, I opened my heart up to the Divine, and I suddenly found my heart aflutter, my eyes wet, and the deep pang of homesickness for a home that I did not know tugged deep in the pit of my soul. As I realized that I wished to ask Jesus into my heart, to make that feeling of wholeness that I’d had in that intimate moment stay forever, I called out to my mother and father. The rest is just details, and unnecessary as I’d already experienced a tug on my soul unlike any other.
As I sat there in that moment, in that somber and solemn service, looking upwards at the beautiful glass ceilings, I experienced a sudden release of the all that had choked and stifled my heart. The feeling I experienced was akin to breathing out and breathing in after a spell of holding one’s breath after driving through the longest of tunnels, only to emerge to the other side gasping for breath, only to have your breath taken away the next moment by the beauty of the light that surrounded and pierced the very depths of your heart. With the exhaling of all the things that choked me, I felt in it’s place a rushing in of joy, of hope, of wonder, and of love. The feeling shocked me to my core, having forgotten what the goodness of God can feel like on that deep of a level. Sure, I knew God loved me, and sure I knew he loved everyone, and would scream from the rafters that it was His most defining attribute, I’d somehow forgotten what that love felt like, and in that moment, it all came back.
I felt glued to my seat, my eyes fixed on the windows, as the congregation stood to sing the departing hymn. And suddenly it came to me… the words…
I distinctly remembered the moment my soul opened up to the Divine again.